You guys I found heaven and there weren’t any singing angels or fluffy clouds or dead relatives waiting to greet me and I gotta tell you I was pretty surprised to find it in the middle of a warehouse district in Perrysburg, Ohio.
“Cheryl that’s not heaven that’s a swimming pool” is what you would say if you were AN IDIOT because it’s not just a swimming pool, it’s an indoor swimming pool, it’s an indoor HEATED swimming pool and it’s a swimming pool in a goddamn private hotel room which means it’s a NAKED heated indoor swimming pool.
Not only is there a swimming pool but there is also a dry sauna, a giant jacuzzi, an epic shower and THE CHERRY ON TOP OF THE AQUATIC ADVENTURE SUNDAE is that the whole goddamn place is kid-free.
Now when I say it’s “in the middle of a warehouse district” I mean it. There is literally nothing worth looking at anywhere near this place unless you’re really into unmarked white buildings and semi-trucks, but it really doesn’t matter because there are no windows in the “hotel rooms” – which I’m pretty positive are converted storage sheds – and you’re not gonna want to get out of the pool and go for a walk anyway so who the hell cares what’s around.
This is the place, it’s called Belamere Suites. No they did not pay me money to write any of this but yes I will accept gratitude in the form of future naked pool time PLEASE AND THANK YOU.