You guys I found heaven and there weren’t any singing angels or fluffy clouds or dead relatives waiting to greet me and I gotta tell you I was pretty surprised to find it in the middle of a warehouse district in Perrysburg, Ohio.

“Cheryl that’s not heaven that’s a swimming pool” is what you would say if you were AN IDIOT because it’s not just a swimming pool, it’s an indoor swimming pool, it’s an indoor HEATED swimming pool and it’s a swimming pool in a goddamn private hotel room which means it’s a NAKED heated indoor swimming pool.

Not only is there a swimming pool but there is also a dry sauna, a giant jacuzzi, an epic shower and THE CHERRY ON TOP OF THE AQUATIC ADVENTURE SUNDAE is that the whole goddamn place is kid-free.

Now when I say it’s “in the middle of a warehouse district” I mean it. There is literally nothing worth looking at anywhere near this place unless you’re really into unmarked white buildings and semi-trucks, but it really doesn’t matter because there are no windows in the “hotel rooms” – which I’m pretty positive are converted storage sheds – and you’re not gonna want to get out of the pool and go for a walk anyway so who the hell cares what’s around.

This is the place, it’s called Belamere Suites. No they did not pay me money to write any of this but yes I will accept gratitude in the form of future naked pool time PLEASE AND THANK YOU.

The room was over 1,500 square feet and I have lived in substantially smaller spaces than that

It has a private attached garage which will be extra nice when winter hits Snowhio

The room was outfitted with a pimp sound system so you can dock your iPod up in the room and rock out down in the pool

I didn’t know how big an 18 foot pool would really be, but it’s big enough to do a 5-6 stroke lap

The heated pool area is warm and chlorine-y but fortunately none of that carries over to the upstairs bedroom and bathroom

This place will deliver dinner to your room and they have something called “bacon cheddar chunks” so there’s that

Your stay includes breakfast delivered to your room, which is a pot of coffee, orange juice, two muffins and two danishes

There was an abundance of towels in the room plus some pretty cozy bathrobes and that is all very clutch when you’re constantly getting in and out of water

I will be going back. Like, soon. Like, often.