If you’ve ever heard me speak at a conference, or asked me when I knew I wanted to be a writer, you may have heard me joke about Staci and the Boombox Mystery. It’s a book I wrote when I was seven years old. It was sadly never published, as it was too ahead of its time. I didn’t remember the plot, I just remembered my family had told me that it was really good and that I should be a writer. I was sure the book was long gone.

MY MOM JUST FOUND IT! So here are the precious scanned pages. I narrated it in this YouTube video so you can listen and follow along. The transcribed text is below that. Followed by some critiques. Enjoy.

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Transcription

One day Stacie [sic] and Monica were listening to their boomboxes when they had to go to the bathroom. When they came back, their boomboxe [sic] were gone! Monica called Staci: Hey Staci said Monica. My Boombox is gone! Mine to [sic] I said. Who took them. I don’t no [sic], but I don’t like it Monica.

A couple hours later Skipper saying [sic] hers was gone, too! This is one heck of a mystery Staci; said Skipper: That boombox was like my best friend. Well I got to go Skip: bye. Click. Then, me and Monica were to investigate. Skipper came, too.

First, we checked the rooms for fingerprints. We found 10 different ones. Then, we checked for clues. We found an [sic] hankerchief [sic] and a skirt. Last, we found a letter. It said:

Hey Lisa,
Sorry I missed your birthday party but I got you three boomboxes.
Sign [sic], your boy.

It wasn’t much, but it would help.

The next day at school we asked [who] her boy friend was but she claimed not to have one. We checked her locker and their [sic] were pictures of some guy in college. What would she be doing with a college guy she’s only a junior: said Monica. I don’t know I said, but we better find out who he is.

So the next day we went to the Westwood University and found out the boys name was Todd. We got our boomboxes back and once again, we jammed.

Back cover: This book is about three girls trying to find who stole their boomboxes. In the end they jam once again.

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Just a couple questions and comments, past me.

1) Were Staci and Monica hanging out together listening to two different boomboxes when they simultaneously both had to take a crap? If so, why did they have to call each other when they should have been in the same room, and why on earth did they need two boomboxes on at the same time? OR were they at their respective houses, listening to their respective boomboxes and their bowel movements are just perfectly in sync?
2) Why don’t they have arms, or legs, or even human-shaped torsos?
3) “That boombox was like my best friend.” I think the character Skipper was a metaphor for me.
4) What is “dective work?”
5) Who did the sets of 10 fingerprints belong to? Were they even ANALYZED? What was the point of collecting them?
6) Whose skirt and handkerchief were laying around? Did they belong to that slut Lisa?
7) What the fuck would Lisa even do with THREE boomboxes, Todd?
8) Seriously, what is strapped to Todd’s junk?
9) I think Lisa dating a much older boy was foreshadowing for my own life.
10) HOW DID THEY GET THE DAMN BOOMBOXES BACK? THEY JUST WALK ONTO CAMPUS AND FIND OUT THE DUDE’S NAME AND ALL OF A SUDDEN THEY HAVE THEIR BOOMBOXES AND THEY ARE JAMMING. THEY FORGOT TO SOLVE THE TITLE MYSTERY OF “STACI AND THE BOOMBOX MYSTERY.”